For years, before my Autism diagnosis, I was told I had Social Anxiety and that I was depressed. I was chronically tired, I didn’t feel like eating, I began to lose interest in things I normally loved, and I avoided socialising or going outside in general. I tried many non-medicinal methods to combat these feelings but I somehow got worse. When going through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for Social Anxiety, I argued that I don’t think I have it because none of the exercises seemed to do much.

Nothing made any sense. I was doing what I was supposed to do to get better but nothing was working and I felt exhausted! Then I hit an all time low when I finished university. It felt like my course had bled me dry and I’d given all I had to give but it still wasn’t enough. I handed in a few projects unfinished and graduated without honours and I had to tell myself “Well at least you got something.” so I didn’t feel like it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t so much as doodle for months after that. It was like I’d used up all my creativity and talent on some random uni projects that I didn’t care much for.

A few months turned into a year and then a year turned into a year and a half and I still felt like I was in a permanent state of exhausted, done in, bled out. That’s when I began to suspect that I wasn’t depressed. I was already looking into all things Autism and ADHD at this point because I related to so much of what people were saying about it. But I didn’t know about Autistic Burnout.

I remember a video about it appearing on my social media and everything just clicked! That is why I’m so tired! That is why I don’t want to socialise! That is why I feel the way I feel. I hadn’t lost my talent! It’s just that so much was demanded from me at once with no support and now my brain and my body are in a state of recovery.

What is Autistic Burnout?

Autistic Burnout can be described as a syndrome that occurs from chronic stress from constantly struggling to meet expectations with unmatching abilities and no support. The demands of living in a neurotypical world can damage us so greatly that it can result in Autistic Burnout.

This can last months or even years and results in constant exhaustion, loss of cognitive function, and can even increase our sensory issues. It puts us into a constant state of fight or flight.

It causes a huge negative impact on our mental health which is why fighting it can only make it worse. Many people who experience Autistic Burnout will struggle to get out of bed every day, struggle to sleep every night, have difficulty eating and doing ‘basic’ tasks, and they find stimuli even more intolerable.

Many of us who are going through Autistic Burnout can struggle greatly with our health, mental health, and self-esteem. It can feel like living independently feels impossible and like we’ve lost a lot of our skills possibly for good! We can feel like we’re incompetent and like we’re burdening our loved ones especially when they don’t understand what Autistic Burnout feels like.

What can cause Autistic Burnout?

One contributor to AB is Masking. Masking is when we hide our Autistic traits to appear neurotypical. Many Autistic people will mask in a working setting, when socialising around friends that don’t know they’re Autistic, or even around certain family members. Constantly having to supress part of who you are and working hard to pretend can be so debilitating and stressful. Not allowing yourself to be who you are isn’t healthy and yet a lot of Autistic people don’t feel safe to be themselves around others.

The overwhelming stress of living in a neurotypical world can also accumulate to AB. Society, family, work, education, and people around us have all these expectations of what we should do and what we should be. But a lot of these expectations are near impossible for Autistic people and it feels like nobody seems to get that. People say I should just go get a normal minimum wage job in a superstore but that, to me as an Autistic person, isn’t as simple as stacking shelves. It’s masking to deal with customers, remembering what goes where, doing things on time and to a certain standard, trying not to get distracted, remembering warehouse and shopfloor safety, dealing with difficult customers without reacting emotionally, wearing an itchy uniform, all while being under those awful fluorescent white lights and hearing every voice, every child, every beep of a register, every buzz of an electrical current, and every security alarm. That’s just not a realistic expectation to have of me. Especially with no support.

Big changes in life can also lead to AB. A lot of Autistic people struggle with or don’t like change so any sort of transition could possibly lead to burnout.

How to relieve Autistic Burnout.

Now, it’s easier said than done to just relieve some of the stress that’s causing Autistic Burnout. I’m sure nearly all of us who are experiencing it have been told to just ‘power through’, that ‘everyone goes through times of stress’ or even that we’re making it up! But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in experiencing burnout and many others have been through it or even still are!

We have to look after ourselves and prioritise our health in times like these because pushing ourselves to do more when we need rest just makes things worse. Accept that you’re stressed, burnt out, and need time to recuperate. Talk to people and find the support that you need. It doesn’t have to be family because sometimes they just don’t get it but there are millions of people out there that do! Find online communities to get advice and learn more about how to get out of burnout. Take things slow and do things little by little. I miss the artist I once was but I’ll get back there one drawing at a time.

Personally, I’m still going through Autistic Burnout and I think I have been for about 3 years now. I believe the reason I haven’t gotten out of it is because I feel like I don’t have time for the rest that I need. Uni was stressful with deadlines, multiple projects at once, doing a practical based course during a pandemic, and having to keep everything I did to a certain standard, it was difficult enough. But then I finished uni and straight away I moved out of my parents’ house and had to find work as well as figure out how to live independently. Then I moved in with my partner who understands my struggle with work but still has expectations of me that I feel like I just can’t live up to. I mean, how can I keep the house clean, look after the dogs, find a way to earn money, work on my portfolio, manage my blog, and still have time to rest and take care of myself? That’s why awareness is also very important.

Important things to remember:

Progress is not linear. You’ll have days were you feel like you can do anything but then you may need to rest for a while afterwards! That doesn’t mean you’re not progressing.

You are not being lazy. Feeling chronically exhausted and needing to rest or take time off is vastly different than choosing to not do anything.

Autism is a disability. As much of those who are uneducated about Autism claim that it’s a ‘superpower’, it is classed as a disability for a reason. Being Autistic, especially in a world catered to neurotypicals, can be so incredibly debilitating and Autistic Burnout is proof of that.

‘Trying harder’ will NOT help you. I cannot stress that enough. It will only hurt you if you push your limits.

Your worth is not measured by your productivity. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because it’s true! You should not have to pay for love, kindness, or acceptance with anything other than love, kindness, and acceptance. NOT LABOUR.

BE AUTISTIC! I know it sounds funny but what I mean is to allow yourself to stim, to eat safe foods, to wear your headphones or ear-defenders, etc. Want to flap your hands? Go ahead! Feel the need to sit in the bottom of the wardrobe and play games? Do it! Just be you!

Excellent sources of info:

National Autistic Society (Click here)

Dr Alice Nicholl’s Autistic Burnout Symptom Checklist (Click here)

~ It took me nearly a week to type this post because I’m so exhausted and I have Executive Dysfunction but guess what? That’s okay. I still did it! ~