One of the first things I learned about being an Autistic person was that there was always going to be people that compare me to their Autistic (child/ uncle/ neighbour/ cat/ hamster’s cousin). I’ve had many conversations with parents who’ll say things like “my son is Autistic and it’s just so hard having an Autistic kid” and those people are usually the most surprised when I say that I am also Autistic. They say things like “Oh you’d never guess that you were! You’re doing so well!” which I just didn’t know how to take. Those parents are normally surprised to hear that not only can I hold a conversation but that I also went out and got a degree. All because their 5 year old is non-verbal and their Autism doesn’t match my Autism.

The thing is, it’s called Autism Spectrum Disorder for a reason. Despite the fact that I haven’t shut up since I learned how to talk, could read before most of my peers, and can hold a conversation, I am just as Autistic as my younger cousins who are non-verbal, went to speech therapy, and are mentally younger than their actual age. You see, my cousins and I are all on the spectrum just not necessarily in the same part of it! No two Autistic people are the same. We’re all unique and have our own personalities and experiences. Whilst there are many huge differences between my cousins and I’s traits, there are also areas where they overlap like sensory issues and needing routine.

A common thing I’ve heard people say is “Yeah but my kid is like severely Autistic” which just really rubs me the wrong way. No Autistic person is ‘more Autistic’ than another. We’re just Autistic. There’s no levels of Autism. I’m not like stage 3 Autistic. I’m just Autistic! Not to mention, the word ‘severely’ implies that Autism is something sinister like an incurable disease that’ll destroy a person’s life. ‘Severe’ is a word you’d use to describe a horrible injury or an infection. It shouldn’t be used to describe Autism. The spectrum isn’t a straight line with non-verbal, high-needs Autistics on one side and low-needs Autistics on the other. It’s more like a colour wheel.

If you think of a colour wheel where all the colours fade from dark to light, from colour to colour, and from cold to warm tones, that’s the Autistic spectrum. Some of us are reds, some are blues, some are yellows! Then there’s the purples, oranges, and greens! Each colour representing a different type of Autism and special interests. I might be a pastel pink whilst one of my cousins is a burnt orange, the other a dark blue, and someone else could be neon yellow! We’re all so different, some of us overlapping and mixing colours, but we are all part of the same colour wheel, the same Autistic Spectrum.

So we’re all in understanding that Autism is a spectrum. But I still hear non-Autistic people saying things like “Well, we’re all a little bit on the spectrum aren’t we?”, “I think everyone is little bit Autistic” and “Well the spectrum is so broad isn’t it? Even I’m on there!” Sorry to tell you this but that’s just not true. Yes, some people may find social situations awkward, or need a routine, or like collecting things! But that doesn’t mean that those people are Autistic or on the spectrum. “But those are traits of Autism!” Ah, yes but if you only have one or two traits and not many traits, then you are not Autistic! Many Autistic traits overlap with other things like OCD, Dyslexia, ADHD, etc. The Autism spectrum is for Autistic people, believe it or not! So, if you are not Autistic then you are not on the spectrum!

It’s really important that everyone does their research on things like this especially because there’s still a lot of prejudice against Autistic people that can sometimes go unnoticed. When people say things with a certain idea of what Autism is or looks like, it can have a knock-on affect to those that don’t fit that idea. Even if that comment was well-intended, the decades of prejudice and lack of research can shine through and harm Autistic people. When people say “You’re doing so well!” we can hear “You’re doing so well for an Autistic person!” or “You hide your Autism so well!”. When people say “He’s severely Autistic” we can hear “There’s something very wrong with him”. When people say “We’re all on the spectrum” we can hear “Your struggles and experiences as an Autistic person are invalid because we’re all the same.”

Lastly, if you are a parent of an Autistic child and you’ve openly told people how difficult that is, please think about how difficult it is for your child too. Children take in a lot more than you think and I can promise you that your Autistic child knows they’re different. Telling people that it’s difficult being their parent is only going to add to their struggle. I don’t have kids but from where I’m standing, it looks incredibly difficult to raise any child. Autistic or not. It is your job as a parent to alter your parenting style to fit your child’s needs and ways of learning. It is also your job to champion your child, build their confidence, and support them in every way you can. Because Autistic kids eventually grow into Autistic adults.

I hope people walk away from this post more educated, more open-minded, and ready to change their language for the better. Autism isn’t something to be scared of or ashamed of. It’s to be embraced!